Another band drama thread :(

[Bidley]

So our drummer announced (via text to our singer) that he's leaving today, and this is the only way he could tell us otherwise we'd talk him out of it. That's all we know.

He hadn't turned up to the past three practices citing a dodgy wrist, but said last week he'd be back this. We all showed up to practice apart from him, we didn't get a call saying he wasn't coming or anything, he wouldn't answer his phone or reply to texts.

We haven't been gigging as much recently, but that's mostly due to a lack of gigs in general (for a Metal band, you understand), other bands we know and have played with aren't doing much either. This is the only reason I can think of. I'm both angry and gutted, mostly because he always said, as a bloke in his late 40's (me and the bass player are mid-20's and singer is mid-30's), if he ever felt he couldn't do it any more he'd stick around until we found a new drummer and bring him up to speed. But after three years we just get a text saying he's jacking it in!

[ICBM]

Don't be too angry with him unless you can find out more about the reason... he may be suffering from depression. I have had a similar experience with a bass player.

[Bidley]

No, nobody is having a go at him or anything, just trying to get some kind of explanation...

[erictheweary]

I occasionally have thoughts of jacking the band in and actually find it quite hard to imagine when/ how I would raise the subject. Past band members have left after an argument or just a 'so long' text and I left previous bands really not on the best of terms. Short of a really big reason ( 'I'm emigrating to Korea in two months lads so this will be my last gig this week, I wish I wasn't going but there you are...') I suspect that's just how these things end.

[Bidley]

Well we've got another text from him, he's off on holiday for two weeks nest weekend but he wants to meet up and have a "big chat" about things. So everything is on ice for nearly three weeks...

[ESBlonde]

Wel that other text is a good sign in that he wants to talk and not have a sour taste. Possibly something really is troubling him or he wants to leave on good terms. Give him his space for the hols and take the opportunity to talk after that.

I'm a big fan of not burning bridges, over the decades you tend to re-meet musicians you once worked with and bad crap can burn you.

[Bidley]

Yeah, that's the idea. He's probably still going to go but we'll be a lot happier with a proper 'send off' than just a text message with no reasoning. What we don't want is for his reason to be something that we personally have or haven't done, as he's a good mate to all of us and a great laugh to be around, on top of being a great skinsman.

It's just a shame we have to stew on it for three weeks...

[daveyh]

In those three weeks spend some time looking for 'possible replacements'. If you've auditioned it may kick him back, or give him the avenue he needs to leave.

[Bidley]

We are looking at who we can get in, but I don't think it's such a good idea to say we want him in still (which we do) and then say we're balls-deep in replacing him too. Best keep that on the down-low, methinks

[monquixote]

A while back my band had our drummer leave.

I knew he'd been unhappy for a while and expected him to bring it up at practice but instead he unexpectedly quit with an angry e-mail and said he wouldn't do any more gigs even though we had some imminent bookings we couldn't afford to miss.

After a day or two and a phone call he agreed to do the next month or so of gigs and we parted on much better terms.

Without excusing his behaviour I think it's hard to tell people you like and who like you that you don't want to do it any more and so it becomes easier to do it by a cop out mechanism like text or engineer a big fight so you can flounce.