Big Band leader lowballing me for a gig.

[Lixarto]

I used to have a sax player - lovely lady who was happy to sit out the songs that didn't require sax.

Which was most of them.

Hmm.

[Bidley]

my gf and I are planning a night out at an Egyptian restaurant for next Saturday and we may actually, finally, see the new Batman movie!

Sounds like a much better use of your time

[erictheweary]

In my personal experience it was Sax... it must be something to do with the brass metal making them megalomaniacs.

Seems about right.

our sax player in cheery mood:

[fretmeister]

Any updates?

[failed_astronaut]

Hi Fretmeister,

I wasn't sure if anyone was still watching this!

No, there's not been a peep out of him since last Thursday, not even a "Get to F-ck" at my offer to do it for £60, which is the least I'd have expected. Anyway, as I said before, the lady and I are heading out for Egyptian scran on Saturday night which will be a much better way to spend my evening.

Again, thanks for any advice/perspective shared in this thread, it's all helped me to be confident that what I can do is worth being paid for.

[ESBlonde]

Yes We are watching YOU!

Glad it's all worked out for the best, hopefully one day you bump into another member of the band who will confirm a) He said nasty things about you. b) He is still a twunt.

Enjoy your evening out with the lady.

[failed_astronaut]

LATE BREAKING NEWS!!

I just got a text, and an email, saying the following "Hi, it's completely gone out of my head to contact you about Saturday, I'm up to my eyes in it. Are you still available?"

I figure I'll let him sweat for an hour and then let him know I'm not available. I'm slightly tempted to see if I can get the money out of him but I don't really want to do the gig, and definitely not under those circumstances. Plus, as I said, I've made plans with the lady. Does anyone here know what happens when you break plans with the lady!?!

[jalapeno]

Something about testicles nailed to forehead ......

[ICBM]

Just tell him "no, I've had a better offer".

See what bluster/demanding to know what it is/raising of offer if he's really committed to the gig and doesn't have another guitarist available he comes back with, then ignore him.

[frankus]

Let's break down what he's saying:

"Hi, it's completely gone out of my head to contact you about Saturday,

AKA "I'd forgotten about you/". It's going to be your fault he's taken you for granted.

I'm up to my eyes in it.

AKA "I'm really busy with things that are more important things than you".
(his back out plan - he'll use this to blame you later "but I was really busy - you should have nagged me (because I'm more important)" (the last bit is unspoken of course) )

Are you still available?"

Nonchalance.


Basically this guy is playing games - there's nothing more to it, no need to resent it - it's how he's always got results so of course he's going to keep using it until it doesn't work.

So how to make it not work so he changes?

The safest response would be. "Hi, I've made other arrangements for Saturday" - and if he gets shitty "Well I've made other arrangements for Saturday" and if he phones "I've made other arrangements for Saturday" he doesn't need any other information it's "not his concern what you're doing instead" and giving anything more to him will just prolong any dispute as he quibbles over reasons, or tries to undermine your other arrangements. Sympathise if he's going to have trouble replacing you by all means (being unsympathetic will increase his resentment) but "You've made other arrangements for Saturday" - see how undramatic it can be - see if you like it being un-dramatic (I bet you might like the results and I bet he doesn't like the lack of drama or the results) - but you'll have been totally reasonable and that's a great feeling.