Big Band leader lowballing me for a gig.

[Not_the_DJ]

This is better than Eastenders (not that I actually watch that, but you know what I mean).

[ESBlonde]

There could well be much to what Frankus says, I think he's been looking for someone else (that's why he's been busy). Since no one competent or a big enough sucker has been found he is back to you. So the answer is still ""Hi, I've made other commitments for Saturday". I hope you are enjoying the idea of him squirming as much as some of us are.

[guitarnoob]

Let's break down what he's saying:



AKA "I'd forgotten about you/". It's going to be your fault he's taken you for granted.



AKA "I'm really busy with things that are more important things than you".
(his back out plan - he'll use this to blame you later "but I was really busy - you should have nagged me (because I'm more important)" (the last bit is unspoken of course) )



Nonchalance.


Basically this guy is playing games - there's nothing more to it, no need to resent it - it's how he's always got results so of course he's going to keep using it until it doesn't work.

So how to make it not work so he changes?

The safest response would be. "Hi, I've made other arrangements for Saturday" - and if he gets shitty "Well I've made other arrangements for Saturday" and if he phones "I've made other arrangements for Saturday" he doesn't need any other information it's "not his concern what you're doing instead" and giving anything more to him will just prolong any dispute as he quibbles over reasons, or tries to undermine your other arrangements. Sympathise if he's going to have trouble replacing you by all means (being unsympathetic will increase his resentment) but "You've made other arrangements for Saturday" - see how undramatic it can be - see if you like it being un-dramatic (I bet you might like the results and I bet he doesn't like the lack of drama or the results) - but you'll have been totally reasonable and that's a great feeling.

Confused here - are you trying to suggest he says "I have made other arrangements for Saturday"? Couldn't tell from your post.









Seriously this is the best idea!

[jalapeno]

The safest response would be. "Hi, I've made other arrangements for Saturday" - and if he gets shitty "Well I've made other arrangements for Saturday" and if he phones "I've made other arrangements for Saturday" he doesn't need any other information it's "not his concern what you're doing instead" and giving anything more to him will just prolong any dispute as he quibbles over reasons, or tries to undermine your other arrangements. Sympathise if he's going to have trouble replacing you by all means (being unsympathetic will increase his resentment) but "You've made other arrangements for Saturday" - see how undramatic it can be - see if you like it being un-dramatic (I bet you might like the results and I bet he doesn't like the lack of drama or the results) - but you'll have been totally reasonable and that's a great feeling.

This. Very much

[stickyfiddle]

+100 for Frank's suggestion.

Suspect he's been busy trying to find some other mug to do the gig and failed..

[failed_astronaut]

Just to keep you all up to date.

I waited until I got out of work (maybe an hour and a half after he text me) to reply. I said I was sorry and that I'd made plans, and I hoped he'd found someone else. No word of acknowledgement to that message as I imagine there's only so many swear words you can put into a text before your iPhone melts!

[timmyo]

The unconstructive oik in me dearly wanted you to buy a ticket for the show then when he saw you in the audience you say " these are those other plans I had..."

[longtallronnie]

The unconstructive oik in me dearly wanted you to buy a ticket for the show then when he saw you in the audience you say " these are those other plans I had..."

Win!

[failed_astronaut]

The unconstructive oik in me dearly wanted you to buy a ticket for the show then when he saw you in the audience you say " these are those other plans I had..."

Ha, nice. Unfortunately it was a wedding so I couldn't have crashed it. I still know folks who play in the band so the next time I talk to them I'll find out who actually did the gig.